money no more

sian man.... everytime near to events, I have to fork out money for trival stuffs like binding and photocopying... amounting to 200bucks soon. I am only a small fry, earning so little... and I've gotta save for a trip in Jan... now is Nov already... and stupid Finance takes up to two months to return me the money... damn efficient rite?
Just had another phonecall, and I have to fork out another 100bucks (or more)... like that 300bucks in total gone... still have to pay for refreshment for meetings later at end of the month... company doesnt practise petty cash claim.

To some... 300bucks is not small... but to me... I can use 300bucks to pay for insurance, and bills ne, which I havent done so. Or get some lame stuffs for the trip.

No wonder I am poor.
I believe in cash on hand... now my hand got no cash.... how to proceed with my trip arrangements?
=(
I feel at loss.
Because I'm sure this 300-400bucks wont reach me in time for the trip. and I sort of need it badly.

消逝

从前的眼泪就为此刻的黯淡回忆而流。
流完了就没了，就那么简单。

Hi

Miss me?
Haha, it feels different here already. In fact, feels different everywhere now.
Because human learn from mistakes. And I am one who learn the hard way I guess.
Just that, I am torn between writing my thoughts down for people to see, or for myself.
Who am I conveying my messages to?

I think I am turing into a corpse. Because my bones creak when I move every limp. Now my toes hurt, because when you walk, you have to bend them a bit.
Maybe I am a corpse already. Oh well... till the day when I am stoned right there. Remember I am once a human too.

do I get a chance

I wrote these down, but I didnt mean to appear as if I am perfect.
Fuck it, I'm not. I'm the most ugly person on earth.
That is why, God doesnt want me, and no one here will see me too.
I didnt know... perhaps, even the rose is prettier than my heart.
Can I paint it well? If I could, I wish... the right person can see through me, I dont care if people misunderstand me.
Explanations are useless.

The palette in my hands
I have the world to control
But as the paint rolls
The image unfolds
I chose black because right now, all I see is that
A choice a remedy
I want to reach out
I can do it I can do it

相信这是为你最后一次落泪
放你在天空中飞
对你的祝福，我已足够的给
真的好累。。。

只有前进，无法后退
用笑脸大家对待
你永远无法了解，虚伪。

-钰

I am not feeling well.
Human's promises are so easily broken. Makes me wonder why God wants to save them.
They can say they love Him, but do they mean it?
They never even met Him.
Do I have words on my face that says, dump me whenever you want?
I am a human too.
But I can stick to what I say.
But probably, people dont care that I am.
That I feel a little more than most people.
I can bleed, I can cry, I can feel unwanted.
I'm not escaping. Whatever comes, I will face it. But I feel powerless now.
I no longer can dream.
Please pray for me.
That I can still hold it out. Because the person writing this down is not writing for amusement for anyone.
What am I doing? When I know... I will be the one praying for everyone and myself only?